3
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1
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I’ve learned that the answers to those questions are actually really simple. It all starts with getting the most important decision of our life settled and sealed – a solid commitment and surrender to God! Once we know who our life belongs to, and who our first love is, everything else will fall into place. Our priorities in everything we do will center around our Heavenly King. Where we go to school, how we choose our career, how we spend our money, what we do for fun, who we date, and ultimately who we choose to marry: everything will be for the glory of Christ...even to the most intimate tiny details of our life! If we’ve given our heart to God, He automatically becomes our top priority. If He isn’t our top priority...we need to do some serious prayer and reconsidering about who really holds the allegiance in our hearts – self or God!When it comes to the second most important decision of our life (who we will choose to spend our earthly lives with), we have to put a constant guard around our hearts. We can’t play around. We can’t make decisions lightly. And when it comes to building a happily ever after, no matter how attractive, sweet, charming, wealthy, or desirable some guy is...unless he is 101% committed to God (and this is evident in every aspect of his life), we must not even go there! Period! Stop! If we do, the results could be catastrophic. Just ask a few of my friends that have been through divorce, or those that now live unequally yoked with partners that really don’t care about God as they do! Or worse yet, what about the ones that end up completely losing their faith in God because of who they dated or married. They may not admit it now...but their choice has cost them dearly, and it may even cost them eternal life.
Here are some principles that have really helped me keep my focus when I’m evaluating the possibility of entering a relationship:
Would this relationship point me heavenward?
Would this relationship increase my love for God?
What’s the big deal with just a few dates? You never know...
When I was sixteen, there was a guy who wanted to date me. He came from a good respectable home, and was a regular church-goer. However, several important things were obviously missing in his walk with God. I could tell we did not have the same goals, and we were not headed in the same direction spiritually. So I turned him down.
I received a lot of criticism over the incident. “Come on, Melody!” people chided me, “What’s the big deal with just a few dates? You never know...you might start to like him, and your feelings might change. Why don’t you at least give him a chance?”
But that was the problem precisely! I already knew up front that he was not the type of person that I wanted to marry. So why even start down a path that I knew I could not complete? If I did start dating him, I knew my emotions would probably start to play tricks on me and keep me from breaking off a relationship that I had known from the start was not best. So armed with prayer and firm resolve, I steered clear of the opportunity. I have continued to do so with many guys that came after him.
It’s been over 15 years now since I refused to give that guy a chance. And as I see how our lives have gone, I am so glad I paid attention to the red flags I saw at the time, and did not play around with the possibilities. In fact, even though I am still single, I don’t regret one “no” I’ve given to the opposite sex over the years. I still don’t know how my love story is going to turn out...but one thing I do know, it will be one of God’s best!
So how do we know what to look for in a guy? How do we know how to build a “happily ever after” story? How do we decide when to say “yes” and when to say “no”?
Would this relationship enlarge my
sphere of usefulness and influence
for God?
Ultimately, would this relationship
bring glory to God?
If this relationship is not God’s best
for me, am I able to surrender it to
God and let it go?
If I have to answer “no” to any of the above questions, I take that as a red flag from God, and proceed no further. When I can answer yes to all of the above...then, as they say, I will make haste slowly, and pray, pray, pray like never before!
When it comes to guys, I’ve heard many of my friends say over the years, “Well...this guy may not be as committed to God as I’d like, but I know I can win him. I can help change him!”
But “missionary dating” is scary business – it’s a set-up for disaster. While we should always be seeking to win those we know to Christ, we must guard our hearts from any romantic butterflies or entanglements until God makes it quite clear that the guy is truly on the same path we are on, and it’s very obvious he will be following God with or without our influence in his life! One quote sums it up quite nicely:
“As a woman set-apart for God, it is for our best good and happiness that we hide our heart so completely in Christ, that our prince must seek Him first in order to find us!”
I love romance...always have...and there’s nothing like a great love story to make me cry. I have often dreamed about how God may write my own love story someday. Unfortunately, many times I’ve been tempted to grab the pen from Him (as Eric and Leslie say), and help Him out a bit, because I didn’t think He knew what He was doing. Yet while I haven’t always understood God’s workings, I’ve learned more and more over the years to just be patient and leave the pen in His hands, for His way truly is best.
This is my secret to building a “happily ever after” and living in my current circumstances happy and satisfied. I haven’t forgotten my dreams for human companionship and love, the knight that will sweep me off my feet, the man of God that I can stand beside in service and ministry! Yet...I know I can trust those dreams with God, for only He can write the love story that will truly be amazing! And that’s the only love story that will be good enough for me...for only God’s happily ever after will truly be, happily ever after! *
“He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love!”
I John 4:8
“But as it is written, eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath entered into the heart of [young dreamers] the things God hath prepared for them that love Him.”
I Cor. 2:9
In Psalms 37:4-5 it says,
Delight thyself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.
So often, we as love-sick young Christian singles just focus on the “He will give you the desires of your heart” part and wonder why it doesn’t happen! But we miss the most important part of the message in the beginning and the end of the passage. We must learn to truly DELIGHT ourselves in Him, COMMIT our ways to Him, TRUST Him, that in His own time and way, He will bring it (the desires of our heart) to pass.
In Is 55:8-9 it says,
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts that your thoughts.”
If we could only grasp what God would like to do in our hearts and lives...both in our walk with Him and in our romantic relationships! But it’s so far above and beyond anything we’ve ever seen or dreamed possible...and so, time and time again, we settle...for mediocrity and a life much less than His best.
I’d like to share a quote I’ve had on the back of my bedroom door since my early teens. It’s called “Most Wonderful Love” and it goes like this:
Mel’s Suggested Book List for
Building a Happily Ever After:
When God Writes Your Love Story
by Eric and Leslie Ludy
When God Writes Your Life Story
by Eric and Leslie Ludy
Quest for Love
by Elizabeth Elliot
Passion & Purity
by Elizabeth Elliot
Finding the Love of Your Life
by Neil Clark Warren
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
by Joshua Harris
Lady in Waiting
Jackie Kendall, Debbie Jones
Set-Apart Femininity
by Leslie Ludy
The Bravehearted Gospel
by Eric Ludy
Answering the Guy Questions
by Leslie Ludy
Sacred Singleness (coming this fall!)
by Leslie Ludy
P.S. Eric and Leslie didn’t bribe me to make this list – but seriously, with all the reading I’ve done, these are some of the best books out there!!
By Melodious Echo
(and a great love life!)
“True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character from that love which is awakened by impulse, and which suddenly dies when severely tested. True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. On the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone.”
“
Everyone longs to give themselves to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively!
But God to the Christian says, No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with me alone. Not until you give yourself totally and unreservedly to me and experience an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone. I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me can your complete satisfaction be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human love that I have planned for you. You will never be totally happily united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing - one you cannot begin to imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring this to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. Just wait, that’s all! Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the love others have gotten or the things I have given them. Don’t even look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away, up to me, or you will miss what I want to show you!
And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of! You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (and I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you wont be able to experience the pure beautiful love that exemplifies your relationship with me - this is Perfect Love!
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me. I want you to be able to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and pure love that I offer you in myself. (It is possible!) Know that I love you utterly. I am God, believe me, trust me, wait on me...and be satisfied!
”
I’m a country girl from the Ozarks of Arkansas, currently serving as a "missionary" in Southern California. While a Registered Nurse by profession, most of my time is spent working with various youth ministries, overseas missions, orphan ministries, doing personal evangelism, and writing/blogging to encourage my friends in their walk with God. I love living the adventure of the "Set-Apart Life" and my greatest interest and passion is living daily for my King, and sharing the joy of this journey with others.
A BIT ABOUT the AUTHOR:
hiking in the mountains . teddy bears . special dates with God
quiet streams . feeding a hungry child . heart-to-heart with girlfriends
true love stories . morning sunshine
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