Guys & Touch
“Leslie, what is your opinion on hugging guys? Do you think it’s okay to do, or no?”
Question #4
Leslie’s Response:
In today’s world, interacting with guys, even Christian guys, usually involves a lot of physical touch. Even if you barely know a guy, it’s normal and accepted to hug him, hold his hand, stand close to him, put your arm around him, ruffle his hair, playfully hit him, etc. I believe that the casual, careless way that girls interact physically with guys is yet another indication of the decline of feminine dignity and mystique. It used to be the opposite. A girl wouldn’t allow a man to touch her until he proved he was a gallant Warrior-Poet worthy of her heart. Even then, it was carefully measured and guarded – sacred things being saved for sacred moments. Women garnered respect from men because they didn’t give their physical body – even in the form of casual touch – to any random guy they met. I remember hearing the story of my great-grandmother in the carriage with her groom-to-be on the way to their wedding. He leaned over to kiss her, and she pulled away, saying sweetly, “There will be plenty of time for that after the wedding!” These days, such a scene seems laughably ridiculous. But I think we could use a lot more of my great-grandmother’s decorum in our modern femininity. Let’s take a quick peek at what God says about male/female interaction:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1 Cor 7:1)
Though some translations interpret this verse as “it is good for a man not to marry” in reality the word “touch” here means physical contact. It’s the same word used all throughout the New Testament for every kind of touch – even casual. Physical touch between men and women is very powerful, and is not to be treated flippantly. Our Christian culture may make light of casual touch between guys and girls, but it’s not a light thing to God. Our Maker designed physical touch between men and women to be the catalyst for sexual intimacy, and when that fire is ignited out of context, it leads to harm. As it says in Proverbs:
Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? (Proverbs 6:27-28)
When you make your physical body “off limits” to the opposite sex, you guard the feminine mystery, intrigue, and mystique that God created within you. It may seem that all guys enjoy girls who carelessly offer their bodies to be casually touched, but Christ-built guys are fascinated, intrigued, and captivated by women who are mysterious and guarded. Warrior-Poets have far more respect for a woman who is guarded and discreet than for one who is aggressive and cavalier with her body. We as women have an incredible power to seduce. Even if it is not your intention to arouse lustful thoughts in the opposite sex, if you are flippant about your physical interaction with guys, you risk leading them to stumble sexually. Not to mention the fact that you send a compromising message about the sacredness (or lack thereof) of your body. It may be completely normal for every other Christian girl you know to be physical when interacting with guys. Casual touch and sensual behavior may be treated lightly among modern Christians. But we must answer to God for the way we choose to use our feminine power. If we interact with a guy in a sensual, flirtatious way; if we use our eyes, words, and body language to temp him sexually; and if we are haphazard about physical touch, we are leading him to stumble.
So what kind of physical interaction is appropriate with a guy? Here’s a great test question to ask in every situation: If you were married (and wanted to stay that way) and your husband was standing next to you, would he feel comfortable with your actions? Eric wouldn’t mind if I held another guy’s hand during a group prayer, but he certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable with me tickling another guy, standing super-close to another guy, giving a tight front-hug to another guy, or jumping on another guy’s back. Anything that you wouldn’t do with another guy after marriage is something that you shouldn’t do with another guy before marriage.
And even after you are in a relationship headed toward marriage, it is always healthy to be extra-cautious and guarded in the area of physical touch. When in doubt, it’s always best to err on the side of caution. Even if your standards seem old fashioned, prude, or extreme to others, why should that bother you? The only thing that matters is protecting the glory of your King and the sacredness of your future marriage. A Warrior-Poet will appreciate, respect, and cherish a woman who guards mystique and saves every aspect of her physical body as a sacred gift for him. *
