There is a godly young man who appears to be pursuing me. He has not yet said anything outright about a relationship, but I would be naive to not think that he is likely interested in more than friendship. It seems like my job right now is to wait on God and allow him to take the next step. How can I make Jesus the center of this situation and not end up spending a lot of energy that I could put toward Jesus and other things?
answered by: mandy saeler | CO, USA
With the love of a sister, I have a bit of straight-talking for you. From what you’ve shared, it is apparent that this man has made no statement of his intentions towards you. While there may be seeming “indications” of how this man feels, you cannot know what is going on in his heart or mind without him plainly telling you, and thusly, you do not actually know what his intentions are. The safest thing for you to do is to assume nothing. Until this man’s position shifts from “appears to be pursuing” to “is actually pursuing” with his intentions clearly expressed to you, your job is to surrender your desires to the Lord, refuse to harbor soft thoughts towards him, and purpose to focus upon what God has placed before you. Simply put, go on with life — without him.
If you embroil your emotions with this man and your suspicions turn out to be wrong, you will be heartbroken and confused. If you invest your affections in this man and guessed rightly, you will find it even more challenging to center your relationship upon Christ because your emotions have been stoked prematurely.
It is apparent that you desire to show honor in this area of your life and that is truly wonderful. The best way to do this is to simply do what God has commanded of you. In this situation, some biblical principles are to let the man do the finding (Prov. 18:22), keep your heart from being entangled with distraction (Prov. 4:23), and jealously guard the threshold of your mind (2 Cor. 10:5). In surrender and simple obedience, you will find strength, freedom, and joy to walk this out in a way that honors the Lord, just as you desire.
answered by: Gerda A. | Africa
Your question reminded me of a verse that Elisabeth Elliot used from the book Song of Songs in the Bible where it says: “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem … Do not stir up nor awaken love until she pleases” (Song 3:5). This encourages me to always take my thoughts captive unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, and say, “Today I’m serving Jesus and will love Him more.” Our Lord is truly worthy of it all. And as we are running fully after Him, and then notice someone running next to us following hard after Jesus as well, we can be assured that the person will not distract us from Jesus, but rather encourage and strengthen us to keep our gaze fully upon Him, and be more in awe of who He is. I am encouraged that you desire to wait upon the Lord in this season and not rush ahead. For as we wait upon the Lord, He increases our faith and trust in Him, and we then get to behold the wondrous things that He will do in His perfect timing. So don’t awaken love before its time. Then, when the purity, beauty, and joy of this relationship is supposed to start blossoming, it will be so much greater and glorifying to our Lord and Savior.
answered by: lydia r. | oh, USA
As you are in this season my first exhortation is to see the joy and purpose of waiting. Throughout your entire life you will be in seasons of waiting. Set your heart on the fact that the purpose is to draw you closer to Jesus. Find rest in Him, deeper trust in His promises, joy in who He is, and love for Him alone. Praying and seeking for this to be your constant focus will give you wisdom in how you practically walk out the waiting.
Do not grow impatient in waiting for a young man to take the first step. Allowing him to be the initiator will set the stage for him to be the leader in any future relationship. Whenever you become distracted by him and the possibility of a relationship, put your energy toward prayer and seek an eternal perspective. Pray for the young man, pray for his future wife, pray for unsaved souls, pray for God to be exalted, pray for His will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. In a situation that the enemy may use to distract you, remain steadfast in your pursuit of knowing God and living a life that proclaims His faithfulness.